Everyday I dream of the woman of my dreams beautiful, smart and genuine. I always hear your young, God’s timing etc and you gotta be more social etc. sometimes I feel like a weirdo, running, working and lost in deep thoughts no wonder I’m alone. Pray everyday for God to put a good lady in my life and to accept me for my flaws and love my goofiness. Some say I gotta not try so hard and my response is simple I am just being authentic.
Let it be the past is over and the future is bright, praying for a new opportunity. Facebook can be a trigger sometimes seeing post about drug addiction and mental health can make me say stop 🛑 what’s the point. Ego (edging god out) is something that says insecurities so why have one, love yourself and let it be. The pissing match is something I refuse to compete in! Give god all worries and surround yourself with people impeccable people.
How lucky I am! So grateful to have the family I do have. So grateful for a grandmother that showed me what passion and advocacy looked like first hand. So grateful for my heart and the person I am. I have so many imperfections and corks I truely have learned to accept and embrace. So grateful for both of my parents I love them dearly. I know God sees everything I have no worries. So grateful to have the love of so many people I am able to call friends.
I always thought passion equaled purpose, starting to realize that might not be the the truth in all cases. Being a good person is all I want to be. Excited to be running next weekend don’t have expectations of a PR just wanna have a great experience and of course nice medal 😊. Excited for the future, with time comes devwlopement and I am ready to grow. What’s next I have no idea but whatever it is I know God knows my heart so I have no concerns. Reflection has been necessary for the perspective that I am viewing life with. God has me and with him I am ready to live my dreams.
Ego mine was the biggest I’m deflating that as you read this. Ego is an acronym used in a lot of different ways often you hear “Edging god out”, to me it’s even simpler insecure. Ego is over compensating for deeper issues those things that we are so inferior about. Ego is not confident it’s more weakness then anything, ego is saying I don’t know who I am so I have to create what I am instead of being what God created me to be. Ego is a pissing match with your insecurities you will never win when what your battling is in your head. Speaking for myself ego has been something I used as defense mechanism instead of using God as of my offense coordinator.
One life, one shot so take it. Tomorrow ain’t promised, all we have is the moment it so capture it and experience is priceless so I gotta stop attempting to buy perfection. Working to just be present and live in the now fuck them unrealitic thoughts, what’s real is what I am just fine.
For past the 10 years my hair has always been black, but moving forward know more. Why is this a big deal well it’s really not but it’s a step forward in my journey. Moving forward just a cut and call it day. The feeling is old, the reason well I don’t have one I just wanna continue evolving. Small changes come from deep wells.
.It has been sometime since my running was affected by an injury but it is now. Sunday evening as I ran through the point place my right leg felt extra heavy, my calf was extremely tight and my run was starting to go down hill two miles in. I pushed through and told my self to soak in the tub but never did. Yesterday i got home from work and went straight to sleep hoping with more rest the leg would feel back to it’s norm. My Hopw didn’t work out as planed, i went out last night and literally just a few feet this discomfort came in my knee cap and Achilles.