I never been in this place before you seem so different all alone just me and yeah I could probably get a handout but I want to grow, I want to get better I want to take my life to the next level. Struggles are real but it's all mine. I no it ain't fancy but mommy and daddy ain't here it's just me. All those handouts that were designed to help only crippled. My book was published today and that thing is the blueprint for those suffering from addiction.
Anyone who is ever dealt with addiction know something to be true, that addiction creates to kind of people codependent narcissistic. I spend my life being codependent and every facet of my life codependency is it just the need for another person for intimacy but I can also be the need to survive. For the first time in my life I can say I'm independent that has its ups and downs but that's part growing. I'm totally independent from relationships that enable any part of my life. I always get asked why I'm not in a relationship I don't have a girlfriend like I said before, it's very simple whenever I'm in a relationship or have intimacy with a woman my insecurities mental health are affected. Nothing is more important than my personal well-being my very own mental health and stability, at this point in my life I really don't care about relationships or even sex. I care about being happy and to be happy you have to be healthy mentally and physically.
Jeff is in was in town and I thought man may 10th feels like yesterday. Went got some McDonald's coffee as you would even have jeff some of your ashes and grandpas cufflings. It don't even seem real pap. I guess I'm the old man now. Wish I could gave you grand baby while you where here. I always so EM posting pictures of her kiddos makes me smile cause I know you would. I love you daddy!!!! New book is coming out this week and that's going to Wisconsin with me and your ashes so I can put them by your mom. Today I thought, we all die one day I'm not scared of the day cause I'll be with you again dad. I love you dad with all my heart. #IPROMISE
More is wanted so more will be pursued or will it really. Feeling curious about what tomorrow will bring at church hoping for a good turnout and a warm welcome. Enjoying my new position at work, I know I have room for improvement in communication with colleagues but I have faith I will continually evolve. Case manager role is about help create a foundation to build Something I know a lot about with my own personal story. From filling out job applications out at the downtown library almost 8 years ago wearing old sweat clothes, man that feels like yesterday.
Being born with barely any vision in my right eye is one of my great assets. You probably wondering how the hell can that be you can't see good, but understand I'm gonna share analogy that represents me. I live my life off passion, everyday passion is my gasoline to drive me. I don't look at what I don't have I look at what I got and use the hell out of it. I learned to dominate life by using just one.
With personal growth comes responsibility and the need to not impress anyone. I don't do a lot of fun exciting things because I simply don't have the extra money. I want new clothes and running shoes and to even go on dates to fancy restaurants but that don't fit in my budget. I told my dad I would spend the rest of my life making him proud and when you operate for something greater then you life starts opening doors.
simply do my job, work is not about having friends or proving your self it's about making a difference the genrates income. I remind self as I did today I already proved yourself that's why I am here. This life ain't fancy by any means but it is full of purpose and passion. I am so ready to release the new book" trauma behind the diagnosis " it will open some eyes , I promise that. It feels great to just be an independent man, who relies on nobody. Today after work I went and paid my water bill and too say this address and have pride about where I am from means so much to me, I felt like my dad for a moment and even thought hard about him. I love you pap and like I said when we prayed over you I will spend the rest of my making you proud by the way I carry myself. Character PAP you taught me so much I don't know what life will bring for me I just hope I can make it easier for those coming behind me.
This week we will roll out our new youth group taking place in the library while service is going on. I am flowing with excitement and even a little bit of anxiety I don't wanna let the community down! Your probably wondering so many things, who is this guy and what does he have in mind and I totally understand. Let me tell you first I don't know the Bible front to back I am not that guy, but what I am is a good man who has built a strong relationship with Christ and is a firm believer that being a Christian is applied action to how you live your life. Fellowship is number one for the group kids being safe in Christ centered space. Scripture will be read , games will be played, music will be sung and food will be consumed. I want volunteers!!! yes your needed!!! I can't do this all alone you knowledge and life lessons are needed to make this work. I pray that we can come together as people to display what living out a Christ center life is all about. If you have questions or concerns my number is on the flyer and feel free to call. Thank you and God bless!
Trying to find the right formula for work and personal life balance has me really questioning things and making me due a lot of self evaluation. Budgeting has always been something I struggled to follow through with but it's something that I definitely need to address. Working two jobs has took a toll on my mental health and to me their is nothing more important then personal wellbeing. I am getting ready to release my new book and In all honesty I want the money earned off sales to accumulate to more then just going out for lunch. As I shared before this has been the tuffest year I encountered, but I am very excited about the direction god is taking me.
Passion is something that I run off, people say I'm so engaging when I speak. I say if you hear the voice shift it's just the pain saying I don't want life to be as tuff for you as it has been for me.