Personal favorite is "don't take the girl" first song I ever liked that was country.How I use to dream as a kid I was gonna be that boy and how precious she was gonna be to me. Remember going to see Tim in Faith and concert I thought it was so cool to know every song as it came on, with out a doubt the highlight of a Vegas trip. It's so awesome how country music can make the soul feel, normal working people talking about everyday life. If R&B is from the soul then I would also say country is from the heart. What's that special song for you?
when I think of love LL cool J comes to mind that first single comes to mind what's love, you know red outfit with matching kangoo hat and gold rope chain. Love is running home to watch *NSYNC on total request live. Bye, bye comes on and me thinking I'm Justin on top of the that train that's love. Love is when your out to eat and you see your food coming, but you act like you didn't notice. Love is that feeling you have when you see the one that has your heart after a long day and you squeeze them with Love. Love is ice cream cones from fritzie freeze on a July evening. Love is that feeling you get when you know your parents are proud. Love is listening to that Thompson square song you gonna kiss me or not thinking your singing it to your crush. Love is Ike and Tina really what's love got to do with it... Whats LOVE to YOU?
Anger that has not been let out is depression. Think about every time you can vent talk it helps take some of the hurt away. The pain caused by depression can put you to your knees, hurt like a negative balance in you bank account or even seem worse then the Flu. Depression is something that I use to think was not real like If I have money and fancy cars and pretty lady I wouldn't be depressed, how I was so wrong. Depression is something that had me held down today that's why I am writing this to get it out. I was running looking for that realese of optimism and nothing appeared it felt as I was stuck and this was it. Depression can handicap the imagination as it did mine today. 80mg Prozac and .5mg of klonipin and yes I still feel depressed. Being intentional with your actions is the only way to fight back, even at your hardest times try to escape to your imagination. Go to that place you invision in your dreams, for me it seeing a wife children and a nice home. When it comes I lace up and run 🏃🏼 and refuse to let it win.
I just wanted to say I love you! I use to wish for a different dad, when really all my hate for you was the anger I had towards myself. All my qualities that I am so proud of come from you, I wouldn't be so well rounded as a man if it was not for seeing you. I am gentleman and sweetheart but those qualities that inherited from you. The past is exactly there, but I just want you to know I am thankful for having a dad like you. I remember being pissed saying my dad has not taught me anything, I am not good with tools, working on cars and other quote on quote manly stuff. This heart is so pure I get that all from you!!!! You model how to be good person and showed me it was ok to love and express your feelings. Bino just passed and I remember like it was yesterday all three of us in your pink van, remember that blue fur in the back. I seen you crying today and it made me cry, I wouldn't have life it was not for you. Seeing your gone makes me understand this is real, but holding your hand makes the hurt stay at calm. I am thankful for my name and the qualities you can't learn at school. It makes me smile when you say your proud of me.
When thinking of great leadership qualities the first thing that comes to mind is passion, but not just passion applied passion. Leadership is about having a vision and being strong enough to speak for yourself and those who have the same goals. Leaders lead by example they inspire people they come in contact with, give hope to their peers. Leaders are well rounded and have a special passion for bringing joy to peoples faces within boundaries. Leaders are customer service experts without even knowing, they know they have to lead not force. Leadership is about serving not about talking, it's about giving way before you receive.
I just wanna scream in frustration, I can't suppress the feeling it wants out so bad. Feeling no control has me wanting to control the everything. Looking for a glimpse of optimism to appear has me so tired. I know to change our behaviors we must change our thinking and my thinking has really sucked today. The thoughts of more stuff done to my car fancy rims and tires oh yeah that's gonna make me happy. I am yelling at myself stop thinking that way, been there done that. I just wanna yell I am so tired of always being alone!!!!! I am not a blogger, author or a inspirational speaker, I am simply someone who don't wanna feel alone anymore. This is one of my outlets to be vulnerable and transparent so I don't feel so isolated . This is not new from writing on my bedroom walls with a sharpie my deepest feelings , to cutting my face at 18 years old just so I would be noticed. I was fat so I got skinny, i was a white kid who was around all black kids so became black, I was wanting to girls so I took steroids and drugs to make myself confidence. I would do anything to be loved,, anything for a night to remember. Now I sit here lonely as all hell wondering will I ever not be or will I ever be loved by a woman for who I am. I know one thing I will
never do something I don't love to be loved. I get asked come out let's go to bar 145 etc or hey man let's get drunk, that does not make me happy so I am gonna pass. I rather be the REAL me even if I am alone..
When I hear the verse "be still know that I am God" it makes me think of how we have to change our life strategy from OUR way to his WAY. For me it's simple I have tried to do life on my terms with what I thought would bring me happiness and it was total disaster. I tell my self everyday what do you have to lose nothing and everything to gain, trust and have faith Gods way is the only way to true happiness. It is a process that takes intentional action and discipline, just yesterday the urge to watch porn was so high, I told myself gods way is the way. Knowing God is the way it got me threw those urges.
Such a big deal made about the opid crisis going on in northwest Ohio as there should. I just don't understand why people don't understand what's going on. Drug treatment is a reactive approach to this problem, our community needs to be proactive to eliminate the problem. We must ask ourselves why is this going on and why are people losing their life's at record highs. People use substance to eliminate mental pain(trauma), no other reason.. We must stop addressing symptoms and attack the issue I know it sounds real easy. Lets improve our children's life and the following generations by increasing the expectations. We must make direct impacts on the individual communities we live in by taking on roles on to be advocates and model healthy living. The healthier we get as a society the better we stand a chance against drugs.
This is my journal and it's public for the world to see! Nothing to hide totally vulnerable and imperfect. Today has brought me so much different kinds of energy, from feeling confident to comparing and even a bit of why don't you like me. Thats gotta be the tuffest just wanting to be appreciated and respected and feeling so little respect at times. What I tell myself, we are all different and we absorbed different things in subconscious mind from the different atmospheres we come from. I ask God and trust him to know my heart and only lead me to good safe places.
This journey started almost a year ago and it has proven to be more then I could imagine. I noticed a lot of my Facebook friends were runners and really talked about how they couldn't get enough, even tho I was not sure why my curiosity was sparked. The racing for recovery program in northwest Ohio, always promoted the sport and how past substance abuse users could find there new fix. Starting with one mile a year ago and still remembering how tuff it was, I am glad I keep pushing. 4 weeks away I will run my first half marathon and planning on it being my first of many. People ask why I am so crazy about running the answer is really simple it's amazing. When I run I put my ear buds in and listen to everything from christian music, country and even rap. Tbe first couple miles are tuff but then I escape to this place matter fact I put my self wherever my dreams take me to. Country music blasting threw the ear buds and I am thinking about being in love and getting married, next I have MGK or NF playing and at those times it i am usually thinking about serving being an advocate and speaking. Running helps my creative side come out and is therputic tool I use to cope.