“Come as one run for many” Everythjng I do I think about the ones who molded me Dad, Buschia and that little stinker. I think man I hope I am making them proud that’s all I really wanna do is make the ones who have loved me proud of the man I become. Broken into a million pieces but manage to keep life together because of the support you gave me when I needed it most. Driving that Black Grand Prix you bought me while talking to you on the phone back in 2010 and me telling you I have not took any pills in 16 days, Buschia I remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t get talk to all of you in the physical but I hear your voices daily. I am the product of a few people who loved me unconditionally.
To the people I have in my corner thank you it is so appreciated, from the depths of my heart. I know I suck at a lot of stuff and have so many flaws but please know I am trying to be the best me. Sometimes I wish life was different and other times I wonder if everyone has their own struggles. My close few friends thank you for doing your best to understand me and being a great support. I’m nothing special but I am Brad Fofrich son and take pride in that. My goal is simple be happy and love! Thank you for everyone one reads everything I talk about and does not show judgement this is my outlet.
In my imagination I think about doing all those romantic things couples do but quickly realize it’s never nothing I’ll have in this life. Short term relationships and unhealthy I could probably have one of those but why, I rather be alone chasing my dreams. Part of me thinks I have reached my ceiling of well being, why would I want anyone to enter a life that’s met tbe best can it be. I have felt love once once before and my infertility lead me too keep looking in other places. Knowbody can complete what’s been broken into a thousand pieces.
I am always anxious and overthinking affraid of what could go wrong. People say I get worried too easily I say no, I just realize that I am all I got. There is knowone to protect me if I lose a job, don’t have food or money I don’t eat. I operate with such passion because it’s the fuel of my survival. Jail is not an option because there is knowone too call and save me. I operate out of survival mode everyday because everyday is a day I have to battle.
last night the run was not going great felt shakes and dehydrated .I stoped for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and regain my composure. Depression, anxiety and fear ran through my body feeling defeated I just cried. I turned of my runnning app off put some music back on and imagined my self crossing the finish line at the GLCM in April. I thought of my dad and even dreamed I was wearing his shirt and holding his picture as I crossed the line, everyone who I deeply love was there.
Thank you midwest Recovey for the inivite, had a great time talking to everyone. Had a couple moments that put chills down my spine, those who shared you freed yourself and that’s so powerful be proud. We are in this together truly a family of brothers and sisters, we all our survivors!!! Check this video out been listening to on repeat all day!
You can’t complain about stuff if your the one accepting what’s being given. I am advocate for so many but I need to remember my own worth and advocate for my self. Change is not coming it’s happening now.
Feeling optimism flowing through praying and working for a new opportunity to come my way. My vision has been to help others but in a new fashion I can’t paint that picture but I know it’s not this. I’m gonna drop a book off today at children services and see what happens maybe we can help people together.
Hate is something you get from people when they think they can do what you do or feel superior to you. Understand maturity tames negativity! I’m sure we all have people who talk about us but understand that is outta your control so don’t analyze it too deeply. I use to go back and forth trying to prove my point but then I realized it only drove me more angry. I tell my self this when shade comes my way their is nothing to prove, the people who love me accept me for all my flaws.
Broken needs to be alone, broken is something that’s involves just one person me. My life is simple and I am learning to be okay with what that even tho it’s not what I ever imagined. Who I could of been died years ago as a small boy and I realize the the renewed version will always be like this alone and have some of these struggles. Maybe the the version that died could of been a doctor, father and great husband but that’s not what today brings. Today is me being content with everything I am able to do be an independent adult, have a hobby I enjoy in running and even greater a passion to help people. I always get compliments about my passion and energy but you must understand that’s just the the little boy In me that had his life taken. That inner child screams with passion and and energy that can command a room because that little boy wants the next generation to experience their whole life. Everyone deserves a chance to live a healthy life and have a chance to experience the life God has given them, I have found my purpose in fighting for those people.